Saturday, June 13, 2009

Domestic Goddess and the Collagen Mothers

In one of my earlier entries, I mentioned that I'd met some other mothers with whom I have mostly become friends.

There is, however, a group of mothers that I am simply too intimidated to get to know. I have mentally nicknamed them "The Collagen Mums."

They are an elusive bunch. You may see them at school gatherings, like concerts, assemblies and parent meetings, but you are unlikely to find them waiting outside the class to collect their kids.

If they do, they stand aloof. Aloof in their designer jeans, high-heeled wedgies, big hair, big sunglasses, big gold jewellery, long nails, dramatic make-up and most of all, big lips.

Like Sandton kugels lost in the desert.

The lips are kind of overpowering. Very definitely enhanced. Clearly they are created to look elegantly beestung, though to me it seems as though a needle or two was perhaps misplaced slightly, and the lips just look like an angry bee honed in on the redpainted lips.

It even looks painful to talk, and I have yet to see any of the Collagen Mums move their lips more than a couple of millimetres at a time. Thats not to say the Collagen Mums are not nice people. They probably are.

Its just that I haven't really had a chance to get to know them. Its hard to start a conversation when you keep staring at their lips, wondering if they will burst in mid-conversation, and if they did, what the appropriate comment would be.... "Oh, I say, you appear to be leaking collagen! Can I pass you a hanky?"

Or... "Quickly, pass me your lipstick-sized Nokia! I need to phone your plastic surgeon immediately. You have the number on speeddial I assume?"

Or even.... "Well that should relieve the swelling. Perhaps you should keep some antihistimine handy in case you get attacked by a swarm of bees again?"

I don't think I could do it. Collagen injected directly into my tender little lips? I don't think so. All in all, I think those ladies would be far prettier without the beestung look.

But who am I to judge? I also have beauty secrets. So secret, they haven't even contacted me yet.....

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